you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
