he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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