So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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