Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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