I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boobs are out for the taking
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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