exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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