I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
