Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
