I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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