if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
try to milk me bitch
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