remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
