i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
