laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
