do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dear god my vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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