I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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