You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
