just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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