Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
