Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
