I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
