Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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