Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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