So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
