please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
