So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
