She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
this hospital has no fireball
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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