Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
