i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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