I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
