Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
