There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
