When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
