Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
