bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
