he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
