You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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