What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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