Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
