So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
