my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
