i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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