the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
