i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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