dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
