It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
