True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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