You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
