Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want her autograph on my taint
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
