After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
