"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
